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Socrates wrestled with five virtues, courage, moderation, piety, wisdom, and justice, and after watching the ballet dancing last Month I can report that I have advanced my ‘being’ in one of the above. With perhaps the exception of moderation. Or maybe not. Anyway, after a month of enduring sub standard advertisements, gash punditry and worse comentary last nights episode finally signalled that I can now confidently report that I felt a bit let down by the 2006 world footballing bonanza.

Discounting Ronaldo’s (Port) antics, I feel the world cup has been a disappointing show piece for England fans. Firstly the German grounds appear to have been built half a mile from the pitch which meant that the camera man could fit onto the screen all 22 players, referee, limo’s, 4th and 5th official (no comment required). I know lots of you have 2000 inch, surround-sound, 3D, beer vending, suck your cock telly’s, but for us chaps who do it the old fashion way it was often difficult to establish which player actually had the ball. With of course the notable exception on Ronaldo (Bra) who appeared to play the whole world cup on the d (girls that’s the bendy bit of the box). Next time round lads let us see and hear what’s going on.

As we progressed through the tournament it became apparent that many teams were just happy to defend and take their chances with the odd corner or free kick that they might grind out on the break. This style of football just doesn’t tickle my fanny and although I appreciate at time it’s naive, I like to see two wide players running their full back and wiping crosses over. There was a distinct lack of that this year. Also I think the only full backs I saw overlapping and making use of their adventure were the two Italian boys, Grosso and the other fella playing right back. Jamie Carragher and Hargreaves can be excused here simply based on the fact that they aren’t full backs. That was Sven, they don’t, can’t and should not be asked to play there.

Then there was the obvious problem of players cheating which FIFA do not appear to be prepared to cut out. I should at this point say that Ronaldo (Port) was a culprit but no more than many other players, far too many to mention here but Robben been one that sticks in my mind. Put quite simply a referee cannot be expected to get every decision correct in a game of football and I think we are wrong to expect them to. However if a player clearly takes an unnecessary dive in an attempt to win a penalty, free kick or to pressure the ref into booking/sending off an opponent there is nothing stopping FIFA banning that player for the next game after full time. Once this was done once, I honestly feel it would stop overnight apart from Drogba who probably wouldn’t care anyway. It seems astonishing to me that after Rivaldo’s appalling behaviour in the last WC v Turkey FIFA have failed to implement what would be a very simple approach to cut the cheating out. Also I don’t agree with the obvious retort that you want to see the best players play week in week out. Yes I do but I would rather watch an honest shit player than a cheating great (Maradona being the exception that proves the rule, not that was a rule), losing my composure here, money talks, not the same in my day, shit.

Taxi please.